— Summary —
In this episode, I share with you my six lessons from 55 years of living and how you can have a fulfilled life.
If we don’t get this right, we’re going to live a life of disappointment, it feels like a constant struggle and there will be no meaning to it. But if we get it right, it builds our confidence, we find our resilience and we have a meaningful life. To make it happen, what you need to know is that comparisons disappoint, your worth is in the beholder and possibility always exists.
The Six Lessons From 55
- Gut: Consider what our gut tells us because it gives us things that we logically and analytically cannot pick up or understand. You need to work from that because the analysis might look great but if in your gut it doesn’t feel good, you need to rethink the whole process.
- Grit: It is about courage and the ability to go forward using your stamina and resolve. There will be a lot of naysayers and haters but you need the courage to face them and keep doing what you believe and want in life.
- Gathering: We need people around us. No one is a self-made millionaire. There are a lot of people that nurture and guide a successful person. So, really think about who you surround yourself with because you need people who will call you out and hold your standards to a higher level.
- Greatness: Identify the things that you are good and passionate at because you ought to be spending your time doing those things. You can be more impactful in areas where your talents and passion intersect. So, spend your time where your greatness lies.
- Generosity: Be giving. Come from a place of service. We are not here on this world to just take and accumulate. Serve, help, elevate and live a legacy with the help of your generosity and kindness.
- Gratitude: It overarches everything that we do. When you build your life, you have to know what you are grateful for. Maybe you can list out such things regularly and see how it shifts and changes your life and business.
— Begin Transcript —
Hey there, Mel Abraham here, the author of the #1 best-selling book, The Entrepreneur’s Solution and the founder of Thoughtpreneur Academy where we teach you how to capture, package and monetize what you know, the ideas in your head, the wisdom that you have and welcome to this episode of The Entrepreneur’s Solution show. This episode is going to be a kind of a different episode.
Many of you know that maybe that I, I just recently turned 55 years old and this question came across. It was saying, “What did you learn in 55 years of life?” And it was an interesting question, it was an interesting thing to realize that there was really six things that I think will lead to living a more fulfilled life, to understanding how to live life at a different level.
And this is what I’ve learned so far and I’m sure that I’m going to learn some more with the many decades that I hope to live in the future. So in this episode, we’re going to talk about the lessons from 55 years of living and how to have a fulfilled life.
And so, I’m going to give you a downloadable action guide with this just like I do with most of my episodes. If you want it, just go to MelAbraham.com/session077 and if you’re not by your computer, you happen to be running around or you’re listening to this on the podcast, then just text me, text me, text MYLEGACY one-word no-spaces to 38470. I will make sure that I send you the download links. So, let’s get started.
Here’s the thing. When I think about this, what were the lessons?
It was such an interesting question for me to really reflect and say, wow one of the things was just to reflect and say, how the time has gone and what’s transpired, the trials, the tribulations, the peaks, the valleys, the things that have happened in life and what came about from all of this.
And I think that when knowing me, you knew that I was going to take those lessons and put them into a framework which I did and so, we’re going to give you this framework but here’s why I think it’s important. The challenge is that if we don’t get this right, if we don’t get kind of some of these elements that I’m going to talk about correctly, we’re going to live a life of disappointment and we’re going to go from one disappointment to the next and we’re trying to figure out why.
How many of you know of people that seem to, that bad luck seems to follow them around?
And I got to tell you, I’m not sure that is bad luck. Certainly, we have challenges and sometimes, there is bad luck but when there is a pattern of occurrences and the common denominator, I often say that if there is this like path of dead bodies and you happen to be the common denominator, at some point, they start to look to you and so, when the common denominator is you, maybe it isn’t so much bad luck but incorrect choices or a filter mechanism or a way to evaluate or your actions or executions. So, I think if we don’t get this right, we end up living in disappointment.
The other thing that happens if we don’t get this right is that it feels like this constant battle, this constant struggle, this constant tug of war of what you want and this gap.
In fact, I had someone who just recently posted a question for me talking about the gap where I’m at, where they’re at and where they want to go and there’s two things to that. That gap is going to constantly be there and I think it’s going to be there always because I believe that we want to grow and though we may move closer and close that gap, we may create bigger visions and that gap opens up again. But that means that we’re making progress. When I think the gap is a problem or the struggle is, is when we’re actually not making progress and the gap widens or we just stay stagnant. So, there is this struggle to make progress if we don’t’ get this right.
And then the last thing I think we realize if we don’t get this right is that we’re living life and we’re just getting through it. We’re literally just kind of marching day to day, day-in, day-out, living someone else’s terms, someone else’s life, helping other people build their dreams and in the end, we don’t fill fulfilled; we feel like there is no meaning.
But when we get these six things correct, I think that things shift. What ends up happening is that it builds our confidence.
It allows you to stand up tall to feel good even in the face of may be things not necessarily going your way. I’ve just recently finished one of my live events and I love doing things live because I love seeing people’s eyes and seeing that energy and seeing that confidence build where they walk out tall and strong with their dreams in hand, knowing that they’re in reach, that they’re, that it’s possible. And I think that we end up being more confident when we get these things right.
The other thing that ultimately happens is that we find our own resilience.
Trust me, it doesn’t matter, when you are going to strive, it doesn’t matter what you’re doing but
- When you’re going to strive to be more
- When you’re going to strive to do more
- When you’re going to strive to achieve
- When you’re going to strive to have an impact
- When you’re going to strive to make a change in people’s lives for the better
> You’re going to hit obstacles.
- You’re going to hit obstacles.
- You’re going to hit challenges.
You’re going to hit these things that can set you back on your heels and say, “Oh my gosh”.
And we need that resilience. We find that resilience through this framework and allows you to keep pushing through, keep going through and going towards you dreams, going towards your goals, going towards the outcomes that you’re looking for and ultimately, we find ourselves in a meaningful life.
We find ourselves where we feel that amongst the pressure that’s pushed down on us, we’ve come out flourishing like a diamond. We find that meaning in the process.
And so, if we are going to do that, if this is why it’s important then what do you need to know really to make that happen?
And as I reflected on these things, what did I need to know? And I think there was a couple of things to consider. First is that comparisons disappoint.
Fact of the matter is that, that if I’m going to constantly compare myself, my achievements, my, what I have to someone else, I will always find someone bigger, better, more achievements and I’m going to always put myself in that space of disappointment. What we really need to do is compare ourselves not to others but compare ourselves to our prior selves.
- Are we growing?
- Are we getting better?
- Are we doing more?
- Are we making a difference?
- Are we? Are we? Are we?
And compare to ourselves and how we’ve grown in that process because listen there’s always going to be someone that I can find in better shape than me. There’s going to someone that look has more hair than me. There’s going to be someone that has achieved more than me and those can be motivators and magnets for us to continue to grow, to see the possibility but sometimes we take that and we deflate ourselves. “They’re so lucky”. How many times have you heard that? “They are so lucky”.
Many times, some people are lucky but like I said, I don’t necessarily believe in bad luck/good luck, I believe in taking a grasp of opportunities and many times we don’t see the journey, many times we don’t see that this person has worked for a decade or two decades to get where they are. We don’t see the miles ran by them and it’s often said that you see the beauty in a ballerina. You see them dancing in such grace and poise and that flow but when you take those toe shoes off and you see the feet, and the work that they had to put in and the kind of dedication, you start to see what it took to get there. And the reason they’re there was not because they were lucky. They are there because they did the miles and so, comparisons disappoint I think.
The other thing is to know is this, is that our worth is internal.
If we’re putting ourselves outside, if we’re expecting someone else to make us feel worthy, man, that’s a set up for disappointment, depression, aggravation, frustration; all of that but when we extract the worth from within us, when we acknowledge what that we’re worthy and that we have that value, it’s a whole different ball game and I think that that’s the thing we need to focus in on is, “What is our worth?”
Not put it outside of us and this kind of came full circle to me when I had my bike accident in 2009. June 27, 2009, I had a bike accident that took away my ability to speak. It took away my ability to feel on the right side and this was temporary because I’m speaking to you now but in that moment, I had to reflect on the fact that I made my living through my physicality, I made my living through communication and it was taken away from me.
- So, who was I?
- What did I stand for?
- What was my worth?
See, when we put it outside of ourselves, it can be taken away because we can’t control it but we need to find that comfort in ourselves to bring that worth out, to know that no matter what the outsiders will say that we’re worthy, that we’re doing the right thing for the right reasons, we’re having a positive impact and we’re playing a good game.
And then, the other thing is to realize that and many of you know that my big word of my life is possibility. Possibility always exists.
It’s the magic of life. It’s the magic of being able to look at something and say, “What if it were possible?”
I mean, today we have cars that are flying. Today we have cars that are starting to self-drive. Today we’re doing things that may be a decade, 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago were just in the imagination stages. Everything is possible and so, as we take on life, as we look at things, we can’t say, “Well, that can’t be done.” We got to ask ourselves, “What if it were possible?”
And so those are the things that I think you need to know which leads to me the six lessons and I think that these are the six lessons of 55 years of learning that hopefully will help you understand and I’m going to take you to the iPad and build this framework for you as we move forward. So, let me pop over to the iPad here for a moment
So, here is the thing. I think that there’s and we get a chance to see the picture behind here is me and my twin brother when we were kids. Mom, because we were twins, thought we should be wearing matching outfits. So we wore matching sailor outfits in this picture here back her but.
So one of the things to consider and one of the things that I looked at first was the realization that I believed one of the important things is that and I come from an analytical space. I’m an accountant so I analyze things, I look at numbers and I will review things over and over again, and then, make some choices. But I think that we put a lot of stock in that, yet at the same time, one of the times we need to really consider is what does our gut tell us.
Because our gut tells us some things that maybe we analytically and logically can’t, don’t understand or that we don’t pick up on and I think that it becomes really important for us to really pick up on that and work from that to be able to say let me follow what I’m feeling because in the end if the analysis looks good and all of that but it doesn’t feel good, we need to rethink the whole process because that gut becomes really, really important, okay.
The second thing I think we need to think about is this, is what I call Grit. When we talk about grit, it’s really about courage. It’s about having that stamina, that resolve to continue to go, to have that grit to just go because you know what? As you go down this process, as you go down this road,
- You’re going to have the naysayers
- You’re going to have the ridiculers
- You’re going to have the haters
- You’re going to have the people that are going to look at you and say, “I told you so” when you get a setback.
It’s happened to me. Listen, I get, especially, with the YouTube channel and some of the stuff, you’re going to get hated. I got people that I don’t even know that are sending me, kind of, hate mail. But then, that’s a fraction of the other kinds of mails that I get and so, you got to look at it and say, “I got the have the grit and the stamina to stay, the courage to keep going, the courage to believe in what it is that I want in life” and believe that it is truly possible in making that happen.
Then the other realization I think is this, is to understand that Gathering. That we need people around us. The concept of a self-made millionaire, I think is a fallacy because I look at my success for instance. I’ve had the blessing to be successful. I’ve had the blessing of having people around me that made me successful. The reason I am where I’m at is not just because of me. Certainly, I had some contribution to it but there is a lot of people that made it happen. There’s a lot of people
- That helped me,
- That supported me,
- That nurtured me,
- That guided me, and
- That helped me.
And so, I think it’s important that you think about who you surround yourselves with. I know, it’s almost cliché to say that your life rises to the level of the five, the average of the five people that you hang around. But I think that there is some truth in that is:
- Who are you hanging around?
- Who is helping you out?
- Who are the people that are in your life that allow you to make a difference, that allow you to grow?
That are going to call you out when maybe you dropped the ball, call you out when you drop your standards, to call you out and hold you to a standard that is at a greater level. That calls you to your higher calling, to your higher self and doing that at a level that really drives things home for you. So gathering for me is extremely important.
And then, then we look at it and say, “Alright so what’s the next thing?” Well, for me it’s what I call greatness. Greatness in the context is “Where is my zone? Where is my greatness? What are the things that I’m really, really good at? What are the things that I’m really, really passionate at?”
Listen, if I’m spending time in life doing this then I’m going to spend time in life doing the things that I love to do. Dedicating myself to the things that are the most impactful, to finding that greatness point, that ability to navigate that’s going to be the intersection where my talents and my skills and my passion start to collide in there and I want to spend time in that.
And as you start to realize that I’m listening to my gut, I’ve got the courage and the grit to move on, I’ve got people around me that are going to hold me to that standard and I’m going to live into my greatness, live up to that greatness then I allow myself to move in and say, “How do you become generous?” In other words, how do you become giving?
We got to come from a place of service. I don’t think that we’re placed here to take. I don’t think that we’re placed here to accumulate, to have. I think we’re placed here to serve, to give, to elevate, to help, to know that we’ve created a legacy not when we leave this earth but when we create the legacy in the moment that we are there, that we’ve left the people, the area, the ones that we interacted with better because of it. And so, I think that generosity is the next key.
And then, the last of the six lessons is this and I think this overarches everything we do. It affects everything we do and we got to live here and I feel like giving society the where it is today if we took this to heart. Actually, these last two just generosity and this last one to heart and lived more to that in each and every day, things would change tremendously and that is gratitude.
So, when I look at this, those are the six lessons is:
Are you grateful?
If you just sit back, I remember, at the Karate School one time asking one of the students who was having a difficult time, I said, “Do me a favor. List out 20 things that you’re, that you’re grateful for. 20 things that you’re great at.”
He had a really challenging time doing that. Yet, when I asked him about 20 things that he wasn’t good at, he could rattle them off and that’s a problem because when our tendency, our natural tendency is to focus on the stuff that we are not good at, first things first, our focus is out of focus. We are a lot better at things than we give ourselves credit for.
But if we’re focused on the negative, we can’t ever have the positive co-exist at the same time. We need to come to it being grateful even in the negative situation. So I will give you a for instance. When I got wiped out with that Ponzi scheme, as much as it sounds odd, I was actually grateful for it to happen in hindsight.
- At the time, it was miserable.
- At the time, I was stressed.
- At the time, I was beating myself up.
At the time, I was like, you’re such an idiot. I can’t believe you freaking did this. You’re the one that they hired to put these people in jail and you got taken by a Ponzi scheme. How stupid can it be and that’s the kind of dialogue that was going on inside of my head. But in hindsight, it taught me some great lessons. I wouldn’t be where I am today financially, success wise, doing the things that I’m doing if it wasn’t for that moment. So, I can’t look back on it with negativity. I got to look back on it with gratitude. To be able to look at it and say, “This actually served me. It served me to make me better.”
And so, when I look at this list, when I look at back on my life at 55, and I look at the 6 lessons, I think that this is important.
- What does your gut tell you?
- What did your feelings tell you?
- What is that internal mechanism that’s drawing you and attracting you?
Do you have the courage, the grit, the stamina to stay to it, to stick to those dreams, to continue to go?
- In spite of the naysayers
- In spite of the ridicules
- In spite of the haters
- In spite of the challenges
- In spite of the obstacles
> Because really through that journey is where the fulfillment comes in.
It’s not through the accomplishment itself, it’s not through the destination. Listen it’s about enjoying the journey in the process.
Who are the people that you’re surround yourself …?
The gathering of folks that hold you to a higher standard, that live to a higher standard, that elevate you, that will call you out when you need to be called out of,
- Where’s your greatness?
- What are the things that really drive you?
- What are the things that you’re passionate about?
- What are the things that you would dedicate your time to over and over and over again?
And then, are you generous. Generous of spirit, not necessarily money; that helps. But generous
- Coming from a place of service
- Coming from a place of giving
- Coming from a place of helping, supporting, and giving back
To really, really try to build that in a way that brings it home and doing it that way.
- Are you grateful?
- What are you grateful for?
In fact, I’m going to ask you to do this is each and every night before you go to bed, maybe list out 10 things that you’re grateful for and list out 5 things that you were generous with that day and then when you wake up in the morning, before you start your day, do the same thing.
What are you grateful for and what are you going to be generous with that day?
- See how it changes you.
- See how it shifts how you feel in your life, in your business.
You know, you may look at these as life lessons but they are also business lessons. I look at it from a business standpoint. Listen, I got to trust my gut in many, many cases. After I’ve done the analysis, we have to have the courage to make choices and decisions with respect to the competition, with respect to the products, the launches, with respect to team to do that.
I got to surround myself with a team to build things, to do things and to bring my dreams, my vision and everything to life. We got to focus on our core competencies; it’s a business to really make that happen.
And then, we need to be generous. I need to come from a place of:
- Serving my customers
- Serving my community
- Serving my team
- Serving the vendors
Come from a place of service and allow profit to not be the driver but the by-product of what we do and then be grateful and grateful for everyone else that is in the business and surrounding me to make that possible because it wouldn’t be possible without them.
So, I hope that this, I hope that this serves you. I hope that you see the value in doing this and the value of these lessons. It was a great question that came in and I felt, “You know that’s an interesting one to answer” because I really hadn’t thought about it that deeply; things start to get engrained in us and we start living life a certain way which is great but taking time to reflect sometimes about the lessons learned becomes really important.
I hope you found this of value to you and if you’ve got a friend or a business colleague or someone out there that could, that this message, these 6 lesson could serve them, do me a favor, share it with them. Give them the gift of that. I’d love to have the opportunity to guide, to give them the tools, to build something that’s meaningful, to build a life that’s fruitful, to maybe learn something from my 55 years of journey to lots of skinned knees, lots of stubbed toes in the process.
And if you haven’t done so already, love to have you as a subscriber. Stay with me in this community. So click the subscribe button and join me in the process. And if you’ve got a question just like this person asked this question, just go to AskMelNow.com, leave me your question and let’s make sure that we get you on an upcoming episode of The Entrepreneur’s Solution Show.
Remember, you can download the action guide here if you just go to MelAbraham.com/session077. It sends you the action guide and if you’re not there; if you happened to be at your desk, I mean, not at your desk, not at your computer. You’re listening to the podcast just text me. MyLEGACY one-word to 38470, I will send you the download link.
And until then,
May your vision be grand, your journey epic and your legacy significant!
Thanks again. See you soon. Click subscribe. Share it. Talk to you soon. See you. Bye!!
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Like this? Please share it and help a few more people bring their dreams out of the darkness and give life to them again. Cheers, Mel